Friday, April 20, 2012

Day 87

My mother is still teaching me. For that, I am forever grateful for this day with her. Today she challenged me to listen.

To truly listen to her as she communicates her needs.
To truly listen to her in the smallest of decisions knowing that autonomy is a human right.
To truly listen to her in the difficult decisions that are easier to make once and then walk away from, but are essential to visit and revisit until her voice is acknowledged and her heart at peace.

My Tia and I made a trip to the ER this morning at Kaiser Redwood City because mom's NG (Nasal Gastric) Tube had come out of her nose partially. The nurses were kind, thorough and adept, which made our tiring 6 hour stay much more bearable. They replaced the tube gently and gave us some tips for future maintenance, which have been very helpful. Apparently, NG tubes are not typically used for this long. I can imagine why.

We had a couple of visits planned today, but I'm afraid the day just got away from us. For those of you who where not able to come, I'm truly sorry and will get in touch with you about rescheduling soon.

I confess I find myself weary today. Laid low by a world that insists on turning when it ought to know damn well that time stands still for this moment. Each day comes with its distractions and demands on my time. I make lists that sit scattered about the house met more with good intention than accomplishment.

Slow down, she says. Just go slow.

She still gets frustrated with me. She still gazes at me with those adoring, all-knowing eyes that turn me into a child again. She still flips me off. She still hugs me longer. Today my mom is still my mom. Today I have her and stubbornness and her tenderness and her wit. I saw all of those beautiful faces today. I was sad today, but I was strong. Because tonight my mother wished me good night like she has so many other nights.

Sleep with the angels, baby girl.


  1. I found out today that she is a green bay packers fan because her dad was a green bay packers fan! I had no idea!

  2. Her words to many of us every night my good night text would say " sleep with the angels my friend" I love you. Those words will forever be in my heart . Sorry today was so long. You Jess are a wonderful daughter Jess. Please take care of yourself. Love you

  3. Oh yes, thank you for the reminder, I can also hear her "sleep with the angels", classic Denise. So many little things I'll do through out a day and it's either a move of hers when she dances or a joke we shared, and only we would understand.... I love each and every feeling of her being close, just part of me. More than 25 years of love from that woman. Worked together in that crazy industry...and, so drank a lot of chardonnay, laughed, and oh, when she was mad at me, it was just the most awful nightmare, lol. I, of course, am undeserving of such an incredible friend, and will also be thankful to our Lord for connecting us in the way He has. That connection is forever. She cooked her socks off, and taught me so very much about everything and tried to get my kitchen organized numerous times, lol. No one on earth that I know loves like she does. How very blessed are we to know her and take that love with us as we complete our own journeys. God has blessed us, one and all. Jess, u hang in there, this time with her IS a blessing - as hard as it can be, and taxing, God will give you the strength and your Mom is right once again, of course......"slow down", also classic Denise and also classic God.
    Auntie Darla

  4. I never knew about the Green Bay fan-dom either! Thanks for the update Jess. Hang in there sweetie. Long hugs from all of us here.

    Scott & Susie